Posted on July 17, 2010
SO much to post about from the past few days, but once again I’ve already stayed up waaayyyy too late and my days are numbered for the option to actually sleep with Eliza on the way any day now. I hate doing these post and runs, but I’ve gotta get some sleep too. And I know if I get going talking about what’s been going on and what I’ve been feeling that I’ll end up staying up at least another hour. So, with that, I will say I am going to try really hard to get back and post something meaningful tomorrow evening.
For those wanting an update from my Facebook status earlier today (baby girl wasn’t moving much at all for most of the day today, so I went into L&D on the advice of my OB), I’m back at home and Eliza is doing okay. We had some monitoring done and a Biophysical Profile Ultrasound. The ultrasound Eliza June passed with flying colors, however, the non stress test kept showing that with every contraction her heart rate would decelerate (from around 120 to the 90′s). So now, I am, of course, stressed out and worried. I keep worrying that every contraction I have is causing her heart rate to drop (the contractions are just Braxton Hicks at this point … and I’m still only dilated a “loose” 1cm). Scott, in his school boy humor and maturity level thought it hilarious the nurse kept referring to me as a “Loose One” … threatening to post it on Facebook and add “that’s how we got into this in the first place!” Buh-dum-dum. Ha, ha.
On top of the worries about baby girl my POTS has been taking me on a nose dive … forcing me to worry about how my body is going to handle labor and the aftermath of my body crashing after birth. All in all, pregnancy has been pretty good to me and after the first trimester I saw an improvement in my POTS over pre-pregnancy. I know all that extra blood volume really helps a lot, plus all the hormones dashing around inside me. Losing both of those benefits is bound to take it’s toll and cause my nervous system to take a dive again. Most days I try to just not think about it and take one day (or hour, as the case may be) at a time. But when it’s really knocking me out so I just can’t do anything (poor Addie was sobbing earlier because mommy couldn’t play again), it’s hard to ignore and impossible for me to not think about what’s going to happen after the birth. For the first time in ages today I just felt a sinking depression set in. Hopefully, that’s got a lot to do with the hormones and stress. The last thing I need is being swept back into a state of depression … I haven’t had to deal with that in years, and never want to again.
See … I did it again. Once I start “talking” I just keep rambling. And now it’s 45 minutes past when I initially said I was signing off. Sleep, here I come. Thank you everyone for all your kind words, support and for reading my ramblings here. I’m always shocked and pleasantly surprised to see anyone out there actually reading this drivel … and to read a nice comment here and there just makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. Much love and peace to you!
Oh, and a couple self portraits of me at 39 weeks preggers.
My apologies to any family members or friends who want to burn their eyes out after seeing the following photos … LOL! I really wanted to document the baby bump and tried to do it as tastefully as one can when using a self timer and running back and forth in the studio by yourself. I can just see my older brother running from the computer, holding his eyes and screaming, “Oh, my eyes, my eyes!!!”
Posted on July 15, 2010
Scott taught Addie how to blow bubbles in 5 minutes last night … we had to run to the studio and capture the very first bubble!! Can you tell she was excited?? She sat in the mirror blowing bubbles for about 45 minutes last night. LOL!
Will post more tonight … a lot to share!
Posted on July 8, 2010
Apologizing ahead of time for the length and rambling nature of this post! I tried to break it up by category this time. LOL! Thanks for stopping by and reading! Be sure to leave your own blog address if you comment so I can share what’s happening with you too! Jump to Rainbow Party Fun.
nesting, birth, Adeline as big sis/labor partner, POTS …
So, we are nearing the home stretch (so literal when it comes to my tummy, lol). Just a little under two weeks until my due date, although my doctor informed me a couple days ago that my cervix “does not have a thing going on” at the moment (lol … come on, you’re going to hurt my cervix’s feelings!). I think my body likes to cook babies for a good and long time, as Adeline came to us at 41.5 weeks after my water finally broke at home. I have a mommy’s intuition that Eliza June won’t be showing her pretty little face until at least our due date, probably longer. Thankfully, I’m wrapping up all the final baby preparations … just washed and organized what seems like hundreds of cloth diapers, doing last minute cleaning and organizing, packing our hospital bags (anyone have a good suggestion for a little, special gift for Adeline from mommy and daddy when baby girl arrives?), etc, etc. We’ve got Eliza June’s name added to the bedroom wall … so it now reads Sweet Adeline and Eliza June, and looks a little ridiculous with letters taking up the entire wall now. LOL!
I’m getting more and more bummed about having to have a hospital birth versus the home birth I’ve been planning for the past four years since Addie was born. There were so many things about a hospital birth that I hated. I already feel like my natural “woman’s power” has been taken away from me and I haven’t even given birth yet. Thankfully, I asked my OB about how soon we can hightail it out of there, and I can leave as early as 6 hours after giving birth. Sounds about perfect (well, perfect would be giving birth in my own home, but having POTS I have to rule that out). Thankfully, she fully supports as little intervention as possible during labor, immediate skin to skin contact and nursing – lots of bonding with baby before they do all the unnecessary things and whisk baby away. I really, really, really hated that after Adeline was born they wouldn’t allow me to walk around with my new baby girl … they have a rule that if you are up and about with your babe, you have to roll them around in a bassinet. SO unnatural to have waited 10 months for the little precious being to arrive and then have to push them around in front of you. I just couldn’t stand it … Adeline slept on my chest for the good part of the first 4 months of her life, she rode in a sling or wrap constantly, I just kept her as close to my heart as possible. Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of walks in those first couple days because I didn’t want to let go of her. And then the nurses kept coming in and trying to take her away from me … telling me I needed to rest and they’d bring her to the nursery. Seriously?? All I wanted was to gaze at that precious, little face and hold her to my skin feeling her little heart beat next to mine … oh, yeah, and nurse her every 25 minutes! LOL! At least this time around I know exactly what I do and do not want and feel confident in my body and my mommy skills, so I won’t feel as bullied and helpless.
Adeline will be there for the birth and we’ve been preparing her for the past 9 months. She’s fascinated with watching home and water birth videos … I haven’t found a hospital birth video that I’m comfortable showing her just yet – they all look a little scary from the ones I’ve been able to find (any recommendations?). I have a feeling that she’s going to be incredibly excited for the first 10 minutes that I’m in labor … and then she’s going to get totally bored for the rest of the time. The girl can’t even sit through a 15 minute OB appointment without wanting daddy to take her somewhere more exciting (even the ultrasound and seeing her baby sister on the screen only kept her attention for a few minutes at most). I think part of it is that it’s hard for her to not be the center of attention for a change. Anyway, I’m packing lots of games and fun things for us to do to keep her busy. And hoping I go into labor first thing in the morning … give birth in the afternoon … and leave by that evening in time to get her home to bed. LOL! A girl can dream, right? Also hoping that Scott doesn’t sleep through my ENTIRE labor like the first time. He did wake up just in time for me to push Adeline out … which was lucky, since it took 9 minutes and 5 pushes before she was in my arms (one positive thing about her hospital birth is that my doctor let me catch her).
I am also getting more and more scared about having a major crash after the birth. I know there is no way around my POTS symptoms flaring up in the first couple of weeks after birth. The decrease in blood volume alone is going to be a killer. I have a standing prescription at the hospital to go in and get IV fluids whenever I need it for my POTS, but I just don’t know how feasible that is going to be with a newborn to care for, especially if I’m crashing since that will make it nearly impossible to even make it out of the house (bad days can leave me too weak to even sit up in bed). I’m trying very hard to stay positive and just take it one day at a time, dealing with whatever comes as it presents itself. However, experience with this illness and it’s unpredictable nature sometimes gets the best of me and fear reigns supreme.
getting her “hair did” …
Adeline got her hair cut last week … one of the only four year olds I know who get driven to Portland to visit their stylist. LOL! There is the most fabulous kiddie salon called Whipper Snippers in Wilsonville, and we’ve been devotees since day one. We were actually their first customer, having booked before they even opened. When our appointment day rolled around the building still wasn’t ready for business, so the sweet owner and the stylist drove all the way down to Salem, hauling in the cute little pink airplane (all the chairs in the salon are cars, motorcycles, planes, etc) so my little princess could get her hair cut in the comfort of her own playroom. This was followed by glitter spray, a tattoo, a butterfly hair clip and a lollipop … she’s been hooked ever since. These two images, a before and after, were snapped that day … that attitude in the after shot is what I get 80% of the time when I ask for a photo op. LOL! I love it – it’s classic Addie-Tude!
So, we were supposed to have Adeline’s rainbow party last Friday and it ended up raining that day. We ended up rescheduling it for Monday and instead went bowling on Friday (see the ridiculous looking pregnant lady attempt to bowl in the video clips). Remarkably, my body cooperated with me on both days and POTS didn’t spoil all the fun for everyone like it usually does. It is SO wonderful and amazing to have those “good days” … especially when I am able to take advantage of them to the fullest. The party was a total hit … the kiddos were only slightly blue and shivering by the time they all got out of the pool in the not so hot Oregon weather (of course, now it’s 100 degrees out … but the day of the party it was barely 70 degrees and cloudy). Adeline’s favorite part was giving out the goody bags … oh, and the endless sugar and artificial color fest. We usually are gung-ho about very little refined sugar and eat mostly whole, natural foods. In fact, Addie didn’t have any refined sugar at all until about 3 years old (and we plan the same with Eliza). However, I totally went overboard for the party … I would have been horrified to look at that table spread a few years ago. I would have shook my head in dismay at the poor parenting skills that could cause such a layout of garbage to be presented to little ones. For Adeline’s first birthday party I baked a no sugar, whole grain cake made from mommy’s breast milk. LOL! I still get teased about that one. Fancy that nobody else cared to partake. Ha, ha!! Adeline didn’t start really eating any sold foods until around 14 months, she was a mostly mama’s milk kind of girl.
Adeline and I had a blast preparing for the party … our favorite was painting rainbows and clouds to hang up. Big bummer was that the $15 mylar rainbow balloon and bouquet that I drove all the way across town to get was taken by the wind minutes after we started setting up … poor girl was in tears watching her balloon float into the clouds (and an apology to our earth for the bit of pollution!). She loved the little tattoo parlor we set up for kiddos to get their fake tattoos after swimming. And, like I said, her favorite part is always giving out the goody bags. I love that she’s more excited about giving to her friends than actually getting something good for herself! Awesome quality for a four year old, if this mommy does say so herself.
photo opportunity, aka, meeting the lovely lady who told us “i am being nice – my neighbor just shoots any trespassers on his property” …
After the festivities were over we headed out to the country to take some photos of my belly. First stop was to see our horse at the stable … and let Adeline chase the ducks around (see another video of her trying to convince the ducks that she is their mama duck so they would get out and follow her). Then we found this cool old barn on the side of the road and thought it would be lovely to jump out and quickly snap a few shots (not disturbing anything, mind you, and only walking a few feet from the road’s edge). Two minutes later a car rips down the driveway next door and a lady pulls up who is furiously writing down our license plate number. We walk over (okay, I waddled over) and start apologizing for not getting permission first. She totally YELLS at us for something like 15 minutes … making Adeline actually burst into tears she’s so scared of this lady. My sincere apologies and show of remorse (while rubbing my big, pregnant tummy for extra effect) just seemed to enrage her more. I finally went back to the car with Adeline and let Scott deal with her. He managed to finally charm her a little and even got permission to come back in the future for photo sessions. Geez! Oh, and the flowers were *not* picked on her property, I brought them with me from somewhere else. And, no, that is not a real heart tattoo on my arm … it’s from the kiddie tattoo parlor at Adeline’s party. We tried desperately to get Adeline in on the photos, but she wouldn’t have any of it. I am so wanting a new family photo (that one at the top of the page is ancient). Soon.
Okay, must get to sleep now. I actually let myself fall asleep with Adeline tonight fairly early, but then woke at 2am and decided to do a “quick” blog post. Yeah, it’s now 5am. As Adeline would say to me, “Nice shot, mama.”
Posted on June 30, 2010
I don’t think I can put into words how exhausted I am right now. I was so tired earlier this evening that I put my head down to rest at the kitchen counter during dinner and the next thing I knew I woke to Adeline yelling, “Mommy, did you hear what I just said??” LOL! Working all night every night plus being 9 months pregnant, taking care of a four year old and having your husband out of town for a week is not going so well for me. I just get so swamped with things that *need* to be done, and the only time I have to do them is after Addie goes to sleep at night. It’s been this way for, well, four years. Something has got to give soon … any suggestions for this not so well constructed balancing act?
I do have to wonder sometimes if my lack of sleep for the past four years played a small part in my developing POTS. We’re not talking a few restless nights here and there … we’re talking chronic, severe insomnia. Nights with less than an hour of sleep (or NO sleep at all many times) … for days in a row. It has to affect one’s body over time. I know now that I have the illness, that when I am sleep deprived it causes my symptoms to flare up worse than they would be otherwise. But I can be so exhausted physically that it’s hard to breathe (POTS plays a huge part in this … a desperate feeling like I can’t get a deep breath and the act of taking in air is a chore I have to concentrate on) … and, still, my body refuses to actually sleep. It’s an awful feeling. I can’t say, however, that many nights – especially recently with starting my new business – that it wasn’t my own fault for forcing myself to stay up all night just so I can get things done. And even doing that I just can’t seem to keep up with things and feel hopelessly behind. Oh, this has turned into a whine fest … stopping now. LOL!
On a happier note … Adeline is having a “Rainbow Pool Party” this Friday and she’s terribly excited about it. I think she asks me on an hourly basis how many more days and hours until her party, and then laments, “Why can’t we just have it today???” The rainbow theme was her idea … and I think it’s going to be a fun one. She even came up with the “motto” … I am creating little tags and cards to label everything (can you say OCD??), and she didn’t care for my “Over the Rainbow” title on one. She said she’d much rather have it say, “Rainbows Make Me Smile.” And so we changed it, and I happen to like her happy motto much better.
I had a zillion stories I wanted to share here tonight, but they’ll have to wait till tomorrow (hopefully) because I need to take care of this baby in my tummy and my own body and get some sleep now. I’ll close with a little photo of my vintage diva posing before we took her to the pool a few days ago. The pool is something that I can usually do no matter how crummy I’m feeling … as long as I can walk from the car to the pool, I can crash on the lounge chair and watch my baby swim. However, I was really heartbroken yesterday when Addie actually called me a “liar” because I didn’t swim with her like I had promised to do. That cut to the core … I had wanted to get in with her so badly, but my heart just couldn’t take the stress of it that day and I was forced to just watch while lying down. Those are the things that make me so freakin’ angry about having POTS. If it was just me that was affected by it – no problem, I’d deal with it. But when it affects my little girl and my family it just kills me and makes me feel so cheated. Ack … getting all negative again. I really don’t want this blog to be a place for whining or negative crud. I want it to be *real* … but I want it to focus on the positives, of which there are MANY. And I certainly don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or bored. I think there is nothing more boring than reading someone’s constant complaining all the time. Someone needs to whack me upside the head when I start sounding like that! LOL!
Going to catch my snuggles with my girl now … I think curling up with her at night and waking up to her smile is just about my favorite thing in life. She is the happiest, sweetest and most sunshine-y little thing from the first second she opens her eyes every morning. I get to have our morning “cuddle fest” and then hear beautiful things like, “Mommy, you are my most favorite thing in the whole wide world … I love you more than all the planets and stars put together … You are my snuggly wuggly bug, mama.” She strokes my cheek lovingly and then climbs on top of me to snuggle. Who wouldn’t want to start their day like that??
p.s. I wish I could be one of those blog writers that have gorgeous, flowing words throughout every post. The ones that sound like poetry and bring a tear to your eye. Instead, I sound like a very boring and incoherent twit. So, I thank you for making it this far in my little blogging journey. Hopefully, I’ll get better at this! And I LOVE reading your comments … so thank you to those who have taken a moment of your time to leave them. Please be sure to leave a link to your blog too so I can read yours as well!!
Posted on May 23, 2010
Hi! If you’re reading this, you must be here on accident. I am just testing things out and trying to decide what I want this all to look like … and, more importantly, what I want to say.