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If you enjoy my little, rambling blog, and have a second (literally), I would so appreciate it if you could pretty please click the banner below to vote for me (and thank you so much if you do!) … each click you make is your vote – heck, you can even vote every day, LOL!

If you enjoy my little, rambling blog, and have a second (literally), I would so appreciate it if you could pretty please click the banner below to vote for me (and thank you so much if you do!) … each click you make is your vote – heck, you can even vote every day, LOL!

So, we had our annual Halloween bash last weekend, and even though only half the expected kiddos showed up we all had a blast. This was Adeline’s first time Trick or Treating, so the anticipation was great (so much so that she was a grand pill all day long and we had to threaten bans on candy and canceling of the party). We all went as a big group (yes, I was FREEZING, lol), and the kids thought it was some sort of crazy race to get from one house to the next. Once back home we all did some crafts, ate more good food, took some studio mug shots (something is better than nothing, right??) and hung out with good friends. I spent a good half of the party nursing Miss Eliza … but was lucky to have my good friend to chat with as she nursed her little one beside me (I forgot how a good portion of parties are usually missed when you have a little nursling!!). Even though I didn’t get half the things done that I wanted to before the party, none of that mattered in the end. And my body gave me a break and POTS took it easy on me so I could enjoy family and friends. Yay!

We were an unlikely and motley crew. And, yes, we realize how weird it is for a family with no TV to have two people dressed like characters from Showtime shows. Scott was Dexter, the serial killer. I had a little issue with Scott being such a violent character … we explained to Addie that daddy is a “surgeon,” hence the bloody knife … she said, “Well, that’s a silly costume because he doesn’t look like a doctor at all!” Sometimes the fibs are necessary. LOL! And then mommy wasn’t much better on the violence front, as Scott reminded me … vampires kill too. I was Sookie from True Blood, complete with bite marks on my neck. They were so realistic looking one my of my friends came up with a huge look of concern on her face, asking if I had been in the hospital again. LOL! Scott made fun of me because authenticity in your costume is so vital to me … I mean, if you’re going to dress as a character you should do it right! LOL! He joked that maybe we should have gotten a little reconstructive surgery to really, truly look the part.The littles were dressed as a sweet little cowgirl and our little Eliza June as a Junebug (okay, she was a ladybug).

Adeilne’s latest adventure is her elaborate made up life as a novelist. She carries around a cell phone arguing with her publisher about changes they want to make to her story. She was complaining tonight because they want a multi-book deal but haven’t even paid her for the first book yet (apparently they asked her to write “forty-eighty” more books this week). She got off the “phone” (a broken old iPod look alike) and asked daddy for his lawyer’s phone number. Yes, seriously. She has set up an office in her bedroom complete with a desk, chair, pen holder and paper, recycling can and a framed photo of her dog. The other night she professed to having to much work to finish to take a break for dinner … we indulged her imagination and let her eat dinner at the “office.” I don’t know where the novelist idea came from since I can’t even write a coherent blog post on my best days, let alone a book. She keeps me immensely entertained and so proud and full of love.

And there are other things that I should get off my chest … major heartbreak and problems with a couple of close family members (not our little foursome, but close to home on both counts), my little bouts with depression that left me sobbing like a big puddle of postpartum sadness for several nights, Adeline’s continued struggle as a big sister and heart break at the change it’s brought to her little world, POTS ups and downs, my struggle to balance a tremendous amount of work and not miss out on any time with my girls (i.e., NO sleep), Eliza’s new adventures in rolling over, grabbing toys and “talking” to mommy, the troubles we are having with homeschooling, and so much more … but I’m exhausted and need to do the aforementioned work. So, look out for soon to be posted ramblings. Thanks for stopping by this little blog … leave a comment and shout out that you were here, I’d love to follow your blog as well!

And a couple shots of my little heartbeats. Processed with the Paint the Moon action Passion Fruit Tea from Coffee House (full set for PSE or bonus set for PS) … and a little Paint on Vibrant Color (from Essentials) beforehand.

So, I’ve been having contractions since early evening … it’s 4am now. They are much different than all the Braxton Hicks I’ve had for so long … an achy, major pressure in my pelvis. I can’t compare it to my labor with Adeline, since my water broke with her at home and then intense, painful contractions started immediately (couldn’t have been mistaken for anything else, lol). I took a bath earlier with my Addie Bee and headed to bed … was able to sleep until about 2am, thankfully. Now they are a little too intense to sleep through. I feel amazingly calm. I am a little bummed, however, that I will have to cancel a special day I had planned for Adeline tomorrow. She’s been looking forward to it for FOREVER (seriously, since like Christmas, which to a four year old is indeed forever ago). We were taking her to Portland to do the whole cheesy Build a Bear thing and then to the swimming pool and a special lunch, and she has been talking about it all week and went to sleep tonight babbling about what she was going to pick out for her doggie. I feel sad that we’ll have to postpone it on her.

So, I think I’ll just lay here and breathe through the contractions a bit longer before waking Scott up. I’m going to snuggle my little angel and breathe in the sweet smell of her hair and stroke her cheek. Now I’m getting all sad thinking this might be the last night of her and I snuggling just the two of us without a baby to share the snuggles with.

Oh, ouuuchhhhhhhhh!!!! Yeah, I am seriously doubting we’ll make it to Build a Bear today! LOL!

ETA: It’s 6:50am and I’m still laying here trying to relax. I’ve spent the past three hours gazing at my little girl, squeezing her tight and doing a lot of crying in between contractions. I feel guilty for having sad feelings at this wonderfully happy time, but am so worried about how things might change between my Addie girl and me. I know every mom tells me the love will just multiply and everything will work out fine … but right now all I can think about is my little girl’s heart and how much she needs her mommy. Granted, she has been showing a fierce streak of independence lately … but she’s still this mama’s baby girl. My heart feels all wrapped up in Adeline right now. As I type this on my iPod she has her limbs all wrapped around me and is rubbing my “bow” (she has a special attachment to my elbows – having always caressed my “bows” while nursing since she was a baby, and she still comforts herself by “rubbing the bows,” lol) … I’m staying right here as long as I can. I plan on snuggling her some more, and when she wakes up we’ll take another bath, read some stories and, if I’m able to manage, take a nice walk together. I am definitely not in a hurry to get to a hospital. Earlier Scott came over to my side (Adeline sleeps between us), and I was snuggled by both of my peeps – sandwiched in between all that love while breathing through contractions … and little baby Eliza kicking her sister in the back. So much love.

Photo by the wonderful Robin Long … processed by Paint the Moon. Love this shot of our little family!!!

And one more shot of my sleeping beauty the other morning … and the second photo is two seconds after the first one. That is just how happy she wakes up every morning … what a blessing to be greeted by such love and happiness every morning! And she always immediately snuggles closer, saying sweet things like, “You are my favorite girl in the whole world, mommy. You’re my sunshine that makes my heart so happy.” How could a mama not have a good day when being greeted first thing like that?

And because I’m a perfectionist, I have to point out that these were processed with different PTM actions … so, they are *supposed* to look different. LOL!

SO much to post about from the past few days, but once again I’ve already stayed up waaayyyy too late and my days are numbered for the option to actually sleep with Eliza on the way any day now. I hate doing these post and runs, but I’ve gotta get some sleep too. And I know if I get going talking about what’s been going on and what I’ve been feeling that I’ll end up staying up at least another hour. So, with that, I will say I am going to try really hard to get back and post something meaningful tomorrow evening.

For those wanting an update from my Facebook status earlier today (baby girl wasn’t moving much at all for most of the day today, so I went into L&D on the advice of my OB), I’m back at home and Eliza is doing okay. We had some monitoring done and a Biophysical Profile Ultrasound. The ultrasound Eliza June passed with flying colors, however, the non stress test kept showing that with every contraction her heart rate would decelerate (from around 120 to the 90′s). So now, I am, of course, stressed out and worried. I keep worrying that every contraction I have is causing her heart rate to drop (the contractions are just Braxton Hicks at this point … and I’m still only dilated a “loose” 1cm). Scott, in his school boy humor and maturity level thought it hilarious the nurse kept referring to me as a “Loose One” … threatening to post it on Facebook and add “that’s how we got into this in the first place!” Buh-dum-dum. Ha, ha.

On top of the worries about baby girl my POTS has been taking me on a nose dive … forcing me to worry about how my body is going to handle labor and the aftermath of my body crashing after birth. All in all, pregnancy has been pretty good to me and after the first trimester I saw an improvement in my POTS over pre-pregnancy. I know all that extra blood volume really helps a lot, plus all the hormones dashing around inside me. Losing both of those benefits is bound to take it’s toll and cause my nervous system to take a dive again. Most days I try to just not think about it and take one day (or hour, as the case may be) at a time. But when it’s really knocking me out so I just can’t do anything (poor Addie was sobbing earlier because mommy couldn’t play again), it’s hard to ignore and impossible for me to not think about what’s going to happen after the birth. For the first time in ages today I just felt a sinking depression set in. Hopefully, that’s got a lot to do with the hormones and stress. The last thing I need is being swept back into a state of depression … I haven’t had to deal with that in years, and never want to again.

See … I did it again. Once I start “talking” I just keep rambling. And now it’s 45 minutes past when I initially said I was signing off. Sleep, here I come. Thank you everyone for all your kind words, support and for reading my ramblings here. I’m always shocked and pleasantly surprised to see anyone out there actually reading this drivel … and to read a nice comment here and there just makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. Much love and peace to you!

Oh, and a couple self portraits of me at 39 weeks preggers.

My apologies to any family members or friends who want to burn their eyes out after seeing the following photos … LOL! I really wanted to document the baby bump and tried to do it as tastefully as one can when using a self timer and running back and forth in the studio by yourself. I can just see my older brother running from the computer, holding his eyes and screaming, “Oh, my eyes, my eyes!!!”

Scott taught Addie how to blow bubbles in 5 minutes last night … we had to run to the studio and capture the very first bubble!! Can you tell she was excited?? She sat in the mirror blowing bubbles for about 45 minutes last night. LOL!

Will post more tonight … a lot to share!

Apologizing ahead of time for the length and rambling nature of this post! I tried to break it up by category this time. LOL! Thanks for stopping by and reading! Be sure to leave your own blog address if you comment so I can share what’s happening with you too! Jump to Rainbow Party Fun.

nesting, birth, Adeline as big sis/labor partner, POTS …

So, we are nearing the home stretch (so literal when it comes to my tummy, lol). Just a little under two weeks until my due date, although my doctor informed me a couple days ago that my cervix “does not have a thing going on” at the moment (lol … come on, you’re going to hurt my cervix’s feelings!). I think my body likes to cook babies for a good and long time, as Adeline came to us at 41.5 weeks after my water finally broke at home. I have a mommy’s intuition that Eliza June won’t be showing her pretty little face until at least our due date, probably longer. Thankfully, I’m wrapping up all the final baby preparations … just washed and organized what seems like hundreds of cloth diapers, doing last minute cleaning and organizing, packing our hospital bags (anyone have a good suggestion for a little, special gift for Adeline from mommy and daddy when baby girl arrives?), etc, etc. We’ve got Eliza June’s name added to the bedroom wall … so it now reads Sweet Adeline and Eliza June, and looks a little ridiculous with letters taking up the entire wall now. LOL!

I’m getting more and more bummed about having to have a hospital birth versus the home birth I’ve been planning for the past four years since Addie was born. There were so many things about a hospital birth that I hated. I already feel like my natural “woman’s power” has been taken away from me and I haven’t even given birth yet. Thankfully, I asked my OB about how soon we can hightail it out of there, and I can leave as early as 6 hours after giving birth. Sounds about perfect (well, perfect would be giving birth in my own home, but having POTS I have to rule that out). Thankfully, she fully supports as little intervention as possible during labor, immediate skin to skin contact and nursing – lots of bonding with baby before they do all the unnecessary things and whisk baby away. I really, really, really hated that after Adeline was born they wouldn’t allow me to walk around with my new baby girl … they have a rule that if you are up and about with your babe, you have to roll them around in a bassinet. SO unnatural to have waited 10 months for the little precious being to arrive and then have to push them around in front of you. I just couldn’t stand it … Adeline slept on my chest for the good part of the first 4 months of her life, she rode in a sling or wrap constantly, I just kept her as close to my heart as possible. Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of walks in those first couple days because I didn’t want to let go of her. And then the nurses kept coming in and trying to take her away from me … telling me I needed to rest and they’d bring her to the nursery. Seriously?? All I wanted was to gaze at that precious, little face and hold her to my skin feeling her little heart beat next to mine … oh, yeah, and nurse her every 25 minutes! LOL! At least this time around I know exactly what I do and do not want and feel confident in my body and my mommy skills, so I won’t feel as bullied and helpless.

Adeline will be there for the birth and we’ve been preparing her for the past 9 months. She’s fascinated with watching home and water birth videos … I haven’t found a hospital birth video that I’m comfortable showing her just yet – they all look a little scary from the ones I’ve been able to find (any recommendations?). I have a feeling that she’s going to be incredibly excited for the first 10 minutes that I’m in labor … and then she’s going to get totally bored for the rest of the time. The girl can’t even sit through a 15 minute OB appointment without wanting daddy to take her somewhere more exciting (even the ultrasound and seeing her baby sister on the screen only kept her attention for a few minutes at most). I think part of it is that it’s hard for her to not be the center of attention for a change. Anyway, I’m packing lots of games and fun things for us to do to keep her busy. And hoping I go into labor first thing in the morning … give birth in the afternoon … and leave by that evening in time to get her home to bed. LOL! A girl can dream, right? Also hoping that Scott doesn’t sleep through my ENTIRE labor like the first time. He did wake up just in time for me to push Adeline out … which was lucky, since it took 9 minutes and 5 pushes before she was in my arms (one positive thing about her hospital birth is that my doctor let me catch her).

I am also getting more and more scared about having a major crash after the birth. I know there is no way around my POTS symptoms flaring up in the first couple of weeks after birth. The decrease in blood volume alone is going to be a killer. I have a standing prescription at the hospital to go in and get IV fluids whenever I need it for my POTS, but I just don’t know how feasible that is going to be with a newborn to care for, especially if I’m crashing since that will make it nearly impossible to even make it out of the house (bad days can leave me too weak to even sit up in bed). I’m trying very hard to stay positive and just take it one day at a time, dealing with whatever comes as it presents itself. However, experience with this illness and it’s unpredictable nature sometimes gets the best of me and fear reigns supreme.

getting her “hair did” …

Adeline got her hair cut last week … one of the only four year olds I know who get driven to Portland to visit their stylist. LOL! There is the most fabulous kiddie salon called Whipper Snippers in Wilsonville, and we’ve been devotees since day one. We were actually their first customer, having booked before they even opened. When our appointment day rolled around the building still wasn’t ready for business, so the sweet owner and the stylist drove all the way down to Salem, hauling in the cute little pink airplane (all the chairs in the salon are cars, motorcycles, planes, etc) so my little princess could get her hair cut in the comfort of her own playroom. This was followed by glitter spray, a tattoo, a butterfly hair clip and a lollipop … she’s been hooked ever since. These two images, a before and after, were snapped that day … that attitude in the after shot is what I get 80% of the time when I ask for a photo op. LOL! I love it – it’s classic Addie-Tude!

rainbow pool party fun …

So, we were supposed to have Adeline’s rainbow party last Friday and it ended up raining that day. We ended up rescheduling it for Monday and instead went bowling on Friday (see the ridiculous looking pregnant lady attempt to bowl in the video clips). Remarkably, my body cooperated with me on both days and POTS didn’t spoil all the fun for everyone like it usually does. It is SO wonderful and amazing to have those “good days” … especially when I am able to take advantage of them to the fullest. The party was a total hit … the kiddos were only slightly blue and shivering by the time they all got out of the pool in the not so hot Oregon weather (of course, now it’s 100 degrees out … but the day of the party it was barely 70 degrees and cloudy). Adeline’s favorite part was giving out the goody bags … oh, and the endless sugar and artificial color fest. We usually are gung-ho about very little refined sugar and eat mostly whole, natural foods. In fact, Addie didn’t have any refined sugar at all until about 3 years old (and we plan the same with Eliza). However, I totally went overboard for the party … I would have been horrified to look at that table spread a few years ago. I would have shook my head in dismay at the poor parenting skills that could cause such a layout of garbage to be presented to little ones. For Adeline’s first birthday party I baked a no sugar, whole grain cake made from mommy’s breast milk. LOL! I still get teased about that one. Fancy that nobody else cared to partake. Ha, ha!! Adeline didn’t start really eating any sold foods until around 14 months, she was a mostly mama’s milk kind of girl.

Adeline and I had a blast preparing for the party … our favorite was painting rainbows and clouds to hang up. Big bummer was that the $15 mylar rainbow balloon and bouquet that I drove all the way across town to get was taken by the wind minutes after we started setting up … poor girl was in tears watching her balloon float into the clouds (and an apology to our earth for the bit of pollution!). She loved the little tattoo parlor we set up for kiddos to get their fake tattoos after swimming. And, like I said, her favorite part is always giving out the goody bags. I love that she’s more excited about giving to her friends than actually getting something good for herself! Awesome quality for a four year old, if this mommy does say so herself.

photo opportunity, aka, meeting the lovely lady who told us “i am being nice – my neighbor just shoots any trespassers on his property” …

After the festivities were over we headed out to the country to take some photos of my belly. First stop was to see our horse at the stable … and let Adeline chase the ducks around (see another video of her trying to convince the ducks that she is their mama duck so they would get out and follow her). Then we found this cool old barn on the side of the road and thought it would be lovely to jump out and quickly snap a few shots (not disturbing anything, mind you, and only walking a few feet from the road’s edge). Two minutes later a car rips down the driveway next door and a lady pulls up who is furiously writing down our license plate number. We walk over (okay, I waddled over) and start apologizing for not getting permission first. She totally YELLS at us for something like 15 minutes … making Adeline actually burst into tears she’s so scared of this lady. My sincere apologies and show of remorse (while rubbing my big, pregnant tummy for extra effect) just seemed to enrage her more. I finally went back to the car with Adeline and let Scott deal with her. He managed to finally charm her a little and even got permission to come back in the future for photo sessions. Geez! Oh, and the flowers were *not* picked on her property, I brought them with me from somewhere else. And, no, that is not a real heart tattoo on my arm … it’s from the kiddie tattoo parlor at Adeline’s party. We tried desperately to get Adeline in on the photos, but she wouldn’t have any of it. I am so wanting a new family photo (that one at the top of the page is ancient). Soon.

Okay, must get to sleep now. I actually let myself fall asleep with Adeline tonight fairly early, but then woke at 2am and decided to do a “quick” blog post. Yeah, it’s now 5am. As Adeline would say to me, “Nice shot, mama.”