Miscellany Flix
2010 Mish Mash
{ heartbeat at our feet }
Posted on August 13, 2011
Disclaimer: It’s 6am and I still haven’t been able to sleep. Being this sleep deprived and it being so late (or early??) means I’ll probably tend to ramble on and will most definitely be TMI as I’m always emotional at night (morning?). I can always come back and hit the Edit button after getting some sleep, right? 
Apologies for the overshare.
Miss Penelope Argentina, our dapple, long haired wiener doggie. She came to me by way of an anniversary / grief healing present from Scott on our first wedding anniversary. I had just lost my baby brother in a car accident and my heart was (and is) so shattered I can’t express in words the amount of pain that was left in my soul after Brett was taken from us. This little doggie’s fur has soaked up buckets of my tears, she’s sat and listened to gut wrenching cries as I battled to get through each day knowing my baby brother’s sweet laughter would never ring in my ears again. There are good reasons why there are so many dogs used in grief therapy and healing of all kinds.
The second year we had her she was there for me again when after 15 years of struggling with a severe eating disorder I finally got real help and flew to California to go into inpatient treatment for a couple months. Scott stayed nearby and took Penny to visit me … not only giving me that extra bit of strength and healing that only pets seem to be capable of, but also brightening the other women’s lives who had become my friends and support system during my stay there.
She was there when my first baby, Adeline, was born. We were afraid that she wouldn’t accept Addie. I was terrified she would have to go live with my mom if she couldn’t play nice with the new baby (my mom has Penny’s sister, Mona, who has helped my mom in her own grief from losing her only son). Penelope has actually always had something against kids – growling and snarling at them for seemingly no reason and going out of her way to leave the room if children visited us. However, as soon as she met Adeline she took her in as one of our pack. And since then those two have been the bestest of friends. Adeline is Penny’s champion if she does something naughty (and she frequently does). Penelope is Adeline’s fierce protector. She is also patient beyond imagination with Adeline’s overzealous loving and just a bit too tight squeezes. Adeline’s very first word was doggie … well, more like, “DOOOGGGIIEEEE!!!!” said with squeals and the pointing of chubby fingers. Those same chubby fingers we had to unpry from Penelope’s long fur and soft, floppy ears – but she never complained once, never even growled or even flinched. “Gentle – love the doggie gentle,” became the mantra for the first year. The second year was the start of Penelope being walked around the house with the leash on (often times by a nakey Adeline), and just as frequently she is dressed up like a fairy to attend Addie’s tea parties. I swear to you she loves every minute of it – there isn’t a bit of apprehension or even a look like she’s just tolerating it – no, she seems to relish her time spent playing with Adeline.
Through becoming so ill with POTS that I was bedridden for an entire summer, so weak some days that I could barely lift my head off the pillow and had to crawl to the bathroom, Penny laid with me and offered her silky fur as a place to lay my shaking hands. When my heart would soar to 200 beats a minute just from rolling over in bed I would place my hand on her little heart and try to will my own to be calm. And while nothing eased the physical symptoms, she helped keep my mind from going nuts with the fear over what was happening with my body.
Penelope was there for me again when I found out my dad has late stage Parkinson’s. How could my strong, loving, generous and very stubborn daddy have such a horrible and debilitating illness? And without my little brother here to talk to about all these feelings I have felt so alone and helpless. There is just something wonderful about the unconditionality. of a dog’s love. Something very comforting and healing. When I felt “talked out” or it I have woken in a panic in the middle of the night while Scott is soundly sleeping … when I have been totally overwhelmed by it all and lost and I can’t let the girls see mommy so beyond sad and scared … my Penelope has been here, never judging, never telling me that everything will be “okay” when it clearly is *not* okay, only offering silent and unconditional love.
And, now, with Eliza June’s arrival, Miss Penelope has two girls playing with her, squeezing her, dressing her up, making her special birthday dog “cakes” from crackers, peanut butter and cheerios. Eliza has been lucky enough to have the endlessly entertaining and hilarious Adeline to keep her giggling and trying to keep up, and so she was a little slower to start her Penny Love Fest. But it has SO begun this summer … tight squeezes and yells of “DOOOGGGGGG!” abound.
Thank you, Penelope. We love you.
{ She’s looking up with adoration at Adeline standing above her here. }
She, of course, co-sleeps with all of us in the not-so-big-anymore-with-two-kids-two-adults-and-a-dog bed (made smaller by the five year old who does somersaults in her sleep and lays horizontally across the mattress).
And because no post about healing, friendship and pets would be complete without our Miss Scout …
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12 Comments so far
Very sweet post! Your pictures are way too beautiful! I’m always excited to see what you are going to post next!
Miss Annie….oh how I love you, the girls, scott and Penny! Thank you thank you thank you for the wonderful post…..I too lost my “big
, and I too, have a beloved father with Parkinsons (nasty evil mean disease) and I too have an adored “heartbeat at our feet” furry friend, Buddy whom I know that I cannot live a day without……..
brother” in an accident falling down the basement stairs (on mothers day
Wahhhh!!! Oh dear Annie that was so touching!!
Beautiful post (read through tears). Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
Annie, Your writing is as powerful as your way with a camera. You paint a world we’d all like to visit. Thanks for sharing!
Such a sweet + honest post. I loved these captures of the girls with Penelope.
I love your personal posts. It’s very moving and inspiring. I can see why your wonderful photos are filled with moments of such passion and even pain. They are very real to me. Thank you for your beautiful messages.
Enjoying your blog. Such gorgeous photography.
Hi, I’m a bit funny about what photographers I like, some seem the same old, same old. Love your work. I like to just call myself a hobbyist photographer at the moment. I’m good but not that good, which is where I’m happy to be right now.
I would just like to make a comment about you little Dashie. It strange how much we become so emotionally attached to our little furry besties. The Dashie in my family belonged to my brother Jeremy.Totally devoted to him. My brother died two years ago, at age 30. He used to live across the street in a village from my parents. So when he died my parents took Floppy. Of course, someone else moved into that house across the road and everyday when someone pulls their car into that driveway he rushes to the fence to see who it is. I think he has done his own grieving for my brother. What a wonderful little breed. Good luck with your POTS and your business, I so enjoy seeing what you come up with next.
Okay, now I’m crying…I find ‘people’s’ stories so inspiring and help me to be grateful for everything I have. I love your honesty, your blog and your business! thankyou
Annie, I’ve always adored your work and your sweet nature. Reading this blog post inspires me even more. I can’t say that I’ve lost a sibling or have an ill father…and I don’t have any pets. But I have my share of heartache and I have an adoring husband and a great God I couldn’t live without. I also have a huge love of photography and I’m inspired that even though life still happens and we all still struggle with the heartache that life sometimes throws our way, it doesn’t stop God using us to inspire and bless others. I live in Australia and you live in USA. I’ve never met you personally, but your work and blog continue to inspire me all the time! I pray you’ll always remember what a blessing you are! X
Oh I love this. I have a long haired english cream who is turning 2 this month. Last year my husband was deployed, I was pregnant, moved 4 times and gave birth to our first born with my husband on the other side of the world. Through it all the only constant was my little Nala. She absorbed so many tears, and kept the bed warm and cuddly at night. I don’t know what I would have done without her constant love and comfort. Dogs are such a gift.