Miscellany Flix
2010 Mish Mash
Posted on February 28, 2011
As exciting as it is that Miss Eliza Junebug Jones tried her first food today, a part of me is heart broken that she’s so darn big! And, yes, we later found out that avocado is not good for dogs, but she’s had it before (accidentally) and hasn’t had any effects from it either times (not that we’ll be serving it to her!). Miss Eliza didn’t love it as much as the wiener dog. You can see big sis cheering her on and telling her how delicious it is. We do self feeding with our babes … so she gets to have all the fun, and, yes, a few soft chunks even made it to her mouth (the spoon was for play rather than function).
And, yes, the photos of my little bug are supposed to look “all pink” (thanks, Scott) … I edited them to be soft and rosy, just like her little cheeks (before they were covered in mushy green avocados).
Posted on February 25, 2011
No, not you … these emotions. Can’t breathe through the worry and {looming} depression … need to do something creative soon to lift the fog. Hints of dark feelings from years past are creeping in. How can that be with these two beautiful girls, a wonderful husband and a successful business that I love? It seems deep inside there is a dark part of my heart that will never be completely free of the sad, the insecure, the scared … even though most of my being is filled with all things light, joyful and happy. That broken part of me that was built during a tumultuous childhood and strengthened through tragedies and heartbreak, it refuses to completely leave the building. But now when it starts to rear it’s ugly head, on top of those dark feelings, I feel guilt for it’s very presence … because I adore my little angels and the happiness they bring us, because my husband is endlessly supportive, because I am blessed with a community of friends whom I adore and am lucky enough to have work that allows me to create and still be with my babies. So, how is it that with all those blessings, depression still sits in the corner of my mind sometimes threatening to engulf me again?
There is still the feeling of not being “enough” … not as a mommy, a wife, and now as a daughter once again. My daddy … my strong, stubborn and endlessly kind and generous father, is suffering from Advanced Parkinson’s. We’ve known for many years that something was wrong, but to know my dad is to know he doesn’t like to “burden” those he loves with his own problems and he doesn’t want us to worry. For years I’ve been noticing the symptoms, and his answers were vague and dismissive … “My doctor says it’s nothing, nothing to worry about.” Researching things on my own I knew in my heart ten years ago – yes, TEN years – that he likely had Parkinson’s. A couple years ago I ended up finally just confronting him about it and telling him I knew. He admitted it and then admitted the big shocker, he was diagnosed back in 1992! He had been hiding it and suffering silently since I graduated from high school!! And now, the heartache of watching my dad suffer so much, his dignity being taken away (I can’t stress enough how private and strong he is … and feel almost a bit of betrayal at even posting this much). Parkinson’s is a horrible progressive, degenerative disease that is stealing my dad from me … and even still he is the same man who scoffed at our plans to get him an easier chair to get in and out of because, in his words, “I am going to recover.” And all of this makes me miss my little brother all the more, if he were still alive at least we would have each other to lean on. Oh, my heart aches for him, for my dad, for all of us
Trying to find a balance between letting Adeline see that mommy is hurting and scared, and yet not overwhelming her and making her feel unsafe or feel a need to comfort me is difficult. I never want her to feel like she needs to worry about my feelings and make things better … I want her to feel empathy and compassion, but still be secure in her little child’s world where she is the one who is taken care of and comforted. I never want her to feel like the adults in her life are out of control because that steals away a little one’s childhood faster than anything. She already has so much fear in her little heart over my battle with POTS and knows mommy’s heart doesn’t work right sometimes. I do believe she is learning compassion and empathy on a grand scale for such a little person. Seeing her papa so sick now is yet another challenge she is having to work through, and I just hope I am doing right by her.
Me and my daddy when I was tiny.
How can you not smile with this joy in your life …
And those squishy cheeks and kissable little lips …
And my little giggly Junebug …
Posted on February 16, 2011
Just a couple pictures of my girls … I can’t believe how BIG they are both getting! Someone make time stop!!
Posted on February 5, 2011
I’m swamped and my POTS is taking me down a windy road this past few days, so I don’t have much energy to put into a long post. However, I did want to share a few recent photos. Here we go …
The silly girls … Eliza kept trying to eat her hat and Addie couldn’t stop giggling – LOVE it. 
Yes, not only did Junebug start crawling at not even six months old, but she is now at 6.5 months pushing around that suitcase like a little walker. LOL! I am so not ready for her to be this big and mobile … I want my newborn back!
Little miss equestrian Adeline …
Adeline’s fifth birthday … she chose bowling for her activity (and the carousel AND Discovery Village, LOL). My baby is HUGE and beautiful!
And I have more … but I have about 600 emails to answer, my POTS is making my heart race and my head spin today and Eliza June is finally just now napping at 4:30pm … which gives me about an hour of time to try and catch up on the computer before I’m up and running again (or at least standing and trying not to pass out again).
Posted on February 5, 2011
This is just going to be a “I missed the moment to blog, so here are the photos to make up for it” kind of post!
Christmas was just us four this year at home. Our family tradition is to head to Sunriver, the three of us, but with little Junebug here and her *hating* the car like there’s no tomorrow, I couldn’t fathom driving for four hours with my poor bub screaming and miserable the whole way. So, we opted for a very low key Xmas at home and it was lovely. Christmas morning brought a treasure hunt and lots of swashbuckling fun, as Addie has a current pirate obsession. 
