Miscellany Flix
2010 Mish Mash
{ incoherent rambling }
Posted on June 30, 2010
I don’t think I can put into words how exhausted I am right now. I was so tired earlier this evening that I put my head down to rest at the kitchen counter during dinner and the next thing I knew I woke to Adeline yelling, “Mommy, did you hear what I just said??” LOL! Working all night every night plus being 9 months pregnant, taking care of a four year old and having your husband out of town for a week is not going so well for me. 
I just get so swamped with things that *need* to be done, and the only time I have to do them is after Addie goes to sleep at night. It’s been this way for, well, four years. Something has got to give soon … any suggestions for this not so well constructed balancing act?
I do have to wonder sometimes if my lack of sleep for the past four years played a small part in my developing POTS. We’re not talking a few restless nights here and there … we’re talking chronic, severe insomnia. Nights with less than an hour of sleep (or NO sleep at all many times) … for days in a row. It has to affect one’s body over time. I know now that I have the illness, that when I am sleep deprived it causes my symptoms to flare up worse than they would be otherwise. But I can be so exhausted physically that it’s hard to breathe (POTS plays a huge part in this … a desperate feeling like I can’t get a deep breath and the act of taking in air is a chore I have to concentrate on) … and, still, my body refuses to actually sleep. It’s an awful feeling. I can’t say, however, that many nights – especially recently with starting my new business – that it wasn’t my own fault for forcing myself to stay up all night just so I can get things done. And even doing that I just can’t seem to keep up with things and feel hopelessly behind. Oh, this has turned into a whine fest … stopping now. LOL!
On a happier note … Adeline is having a “Rainbow Pool Party” this Friday and she’s terribly excited about it. I think she asks me on an hourly basis how many more days and hours until her party, and then laments, “Why can’t we just have it today???” The rainbow theme was her idea … and I think it’s going to be a fun one. She even came up with the “motto” … I am creating little tags and cards to label everything (can you say OCD??), and she didn’t care for my “Over the Rainbow” title on one. She said she’d much rather have it say, “Rainbows Make Me Smile.” And so we changed it, and I happen to like her happy motto much better.
I had a zillion stories I wanted to share here tonight, but they’ll have to wait till tomorrow (hopefully) because I need to take care of this baby in my tummy and my own body and get some sleep now. I’ll close with a little photo of my vintage diva posing before we took her to the pool a few days ago. The pool is something that I can usually do no matter how crummy I’m feeling … as long as I can walk from the car to the pool, I can crash on the lounge chair and watch my baby swim. However, I was really heartbroken yesterday when Addie actually called me a “liar” because I didn’t swim with her like I had promised to do. That cut to the core … I had wanted to get in with her so badly, but my heart just couldn’t take the stress of it that day and I was forced to just watch while lying down. Those are the things that make me so freakin’ angry about having POTS. If it was just me that was affected by it – no problem, I’d deal with it. But when it affects my little girl and my family it just kills me and makes me feel so cheated. Ack … getting all negative again. I really don’t want this blog to be a place for whining or negative crud. I want it to be *real* … but I want it to focus on the positives, of which there are MANY. And I certainly don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or bored. I think there is nothing more boring than reading someone’s constant complaining all the time. Someone needs to whack me upside the head when I start sounding like that! LOL!
Going to catch my snuggles with my girl now … I think curling up with her at night and waking up to her smile is just about my favorite thing in life. She is the happiest, sweetest and most sunshine-y little thing from the first second she opens her eyes every morning. I get to have our morning “cuddle fest” and then hear beautiful things like, “Mommy, you are my most favorite thing in the whole wide world … I love you more than all the planets and stars put together … You are my snuggly wuggly bug, mama.” She strokes my cheek lovingly and then climbs on top of me to snuggle. Who wouldn’t want to start their day like that??
p.s. I wish I could be one of those blog writers that have gorgeous, flowing words throughout every post. The ones that sound like poetry and bring a tear to your eye. Instead, I sound like a very boring and incoherent twit. So, I thank you for making it this far in my little blogging journey. Hopefully, I’ll get better at this! And I LOVE reading your comments … so thank you to those who have taken a moment of your time to leave them. Please be sure to leave a link to your blog too so I can read yours as well!!
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13 Comments so far
what a cutie!
hope you feel better soon
I love reading your blog and think that you are fine to talk about real life. That’s why I like reading it, you are real and I think a blog is the perfect place to tell it like it is. I am not an elegant writer either, but have really enjoyed blogging and found it doesn’t matter, again it let others see the true us. Thanks for writing, I really hope you are able to get the sleep your body needs, so important! I love hearing about your natural parenting, I am quite the opposite in many ways with my four kiddos, but love hearing your precious stories about you and Adeline. You are an amazing Mommy!!
Hope you are feeling better! Love the rainbow party
She is a precious little one-very creative and imaginative.
I love “rainbows make me smile!” That’s so sweet!
I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a little girl and I know how awful it can be. I can’t imagine having to deal with other health issues on top of that. For me, what has worked is setting up a bedtime and sticking with it no matter what. If I do get up in the night (a rare thing these days), I don’t do any computer stuff at all anymore. I just read something really boring until I get tired. LOL I think the worst thing you can do is try to work when your body is really needing to sleep, even though it’s tempting. Maybe with the new baby coming, it’ll give you a chance to reset your sleep schedule. (I’m starting to sound like I’m your mother or something. LOL)
Annie…your blog actually did make me cry! My heart just pours out to you for what you are going through. I went through something similar 4 years ago..tho it wasn’t POTS…I had problems with sleep and so many other things. I went on a health binge and learned everything I could about getting healthy and herbal, natural healing. Today I am so much better and living my life again. I know how debilitating and depressing it can be, so bless your little heart. I will pray for you. :O)
I love the “Rainbows make me smile”…that is so sweet…being how a rainbow is a message from God, I can see how they would make Adeline smile!
Loved reading your blog..thanks for sharing…and you have every right to tell how you are feeling, so don’t be hard on yourself. In doing so and sharing, it helps you feel better.
Annie, I love to read your rambling…it’s real and this is refreshing.
We as mothers always feel like we cannot CATCH UP but trust me lack of sleep and pushing yourself too hard will definitely CATCH UP to you…I know for a fact.
It’s the hardest thing to admit that we need to slow down until our body shuts down and we have no choice, only then do we see that we need to value our body. It is our temple and if we treat it badly it will fall apart. We need to take care of our kids but before that we need to care for ourselves in order to be able to provide for them.
I could not sleep at one point and what helped me was to stay away from the computer at night and read, accupunture was my savior and yoga before bed was a ritual.
AND MOST OF ALL “QUIET YOUR MIND BY SITTING STILL AND JUST LISTENING TO YOUR THOUGHTS…in other words MEDITATE…only for a few minutes …it will help… you will see.
And lastly nutrition and vitamins.
SLEEP MY BELLA…SLEEP, your baby needs it and so do you.
ciaooooooo
xoxoxoxo
Well girl, here I sit with tears in my eyes! Why? Because you are such an honest soul, not so filled with pride that you feel you must be “perfect” or close to it, to attract a readership. LOL! Not sure where that came from, but that SO many portray such a “perfect” image and then we are shocked when the truth finally emerges. You are Annie Murray Manning, who I see as a gut honest, insanely talented, completely loving, naturally nurturing, super selfless and beyond beautiful human being! My life is richer having met you.
In regard to your battle with POTS and what it does to your mind and body, I believe that your sharing what is going on with you will speak to another whether or not it is POTS that they are dealing with. Speaking of your frustrations, disappointments, GOOD days and ABSOLUTE adoration of the loves of your life helps all of us to know that it is okay and perfectly human to have ups and downs in whatever illness/illnesses we are dealing with.
The way that you are able to “balance” the many hats that you wear gives “me” hope that I, one day soon, will be able to do the same Ms. Annie. And I thank “you” for that. I think once Eliza June makes her debut, you will know just what to do. Follow your heart and as I every so often mention to my children, “be true to thine own self”.
Love and hugs … XX
Ooops! I had meant to start my comment out addressed to Miss Adeline!
Addie, I am hoping that you are having a MOST wonderful time at your rainbow party today sweetheart! Rainbows make me smile too –
What a beautiful theme Adeline has choosen! Love rainbows too, they are so overwhelming. So sorry to hear about your health Annie….please take your rest when you need it, and no sorry for you to say (you’re not boring m with it) it’s just how you feel and I can imagine that you have a hard time, being a mommy 24 hours a day, missing your husband (and have to do things all by yourself) caring a sweet little girl in your tubby and even work, and then the POTS….I think you are a heroe dont know how you do this all!!! Respect! Hope that you can take some rest and time for yourself and hope Adeline has a wonderful rainbow pool party, she is so cute!
Hugs Jolanda
first time visiting your blog and you do not sound like an incoherent twit. you sound like a wonderful mommy. love your daughter’s little vintage suit and cap. do you mind telling me where you got it??? i have an adorable just turned 6 yr old who would love to own one like it. too cute! btw… love your photos & your actions. ur site is a wonderful find of the day! found ur link thru fb… thru leah farquharson. just in case you were wondering.
Love your photos!!! Especially the one in this post….where did you find that outfit!! I know how you feel about no sleep…I have a problem with falling asleep as well; Migraines are my biggest problem
Hope you start to feel better!!
Just found your site and blog today!! I love your photos, gorgeous! And enjoyed reading your blog. It’s really real, not complainy!
Thanks for sharing and being real. did you post anywhere about the vintage swimsuit? did you make it? it’s wonderful, and the bathing cap too!!
Adorable
Love all of the rainbow references, my daughter’s name is Reignbeau.